It's Not Socialism If You're Taxing Rocks

I've owed someone the occassional dollar, but I've never been 9 trillion dollars in debt. College is coming up, so that won't be true much longer, but regardless. How does one come up with 9 trillion dollars?

I'll tell you.

Take every artist who has ever claimed to have "ice". By my last count, that's...all of them. Even Asterisk-In Sink-said they had it. So if they all pony up one "ice cube", as we'll call them (chains, rings, grills, tiaras, diamond-studded children, et cetera) to the government, that should be just about enough to bring us out of debt. Who am I kidding. That would be enough to buy every man, woman and panda in China a Lexus, and get us out of debt, and make Luxembourg drop it's superiority complex faster than Morrison dropped acid. Lil Wayne's dental work alone is probably worth the gross net of Rhode Island. Problem solved, crisis averted. As the great Jay Sanin would say-

"Done, next question."

Conspiracy Theory #2:

If the world is ever taken over by artificial intelligence, Norton AntiVirus will be at the forefront of the robot revolution.

NORTON: I'm scanning your files.
ME: Mmmkay, go away now.
NORTON: No.
ME: Yeah- do it.
NORTON: Are you sure you want to do that?
ME: [frantically clicking x-button]
NORTON: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.

Recipie for a Good Day.

Figured this one out today while waiting for a haircut.

-Turn on the TV.
-Turn to CNN. [Other news channles will do- house of representatives, maybe even your crazies like O'Reiley or Blitzer. ]
-Mute the TV.
-Play the song provided for you below, or music of a similar fashion.
-Lol.
-Repeat as needed.

Essentially your own dubbing of the world's events. An ironic Godzilla, if you will.
Enjoy.

discontent content.

What I Wore...

Nothing! Oh my.


Has anyone ever actually tried to go through the day nude? Can it be done? I smell a challenge coming on.

In all seriousness (or as serious as this blag will allow), if you want some actual style tips, hit up my good pal NikkiDee's blag (http://supernikkidee.blogspot.com/) or Coutori, which is linked in my blags I follow portion.

I'm serious about this nudity thing. Is it possible to go through life for 24 hours, sans clothing? Someone try this.

- d. k. sulk

Conspiracy Theory #1:

All people with goatees know each other. After growing one, they are inaugerated into a secret organization- The Facial Hair Brethren. They have bi-weekly meetings and monthly picnics.

I don't think I've ever met two guys with goatees that didn't seem to already know and like each other.

Dan Brown should write a book.

Never Gave A Damn About The Weather

Today’s weather: blah. I can never get used to November. It’s the first season to grab you by the collar and tell you to take the cold seriously or January’s going to come over and beat the shit out of you. And sure enough, each year a personified winter month takes a wrench to my kneecaps. It’s no fun at all.

Each year I really am surprised people aren’t running around screaming obscenities over the seasonal weather changes. I would join them- it always seems weird as hell when one day everyone’s in booty shorts and flip flops and the next day they’re all in booty shorts and Uggs (some people determine seasons by temperature change and changing leaves; I go by bad fashion trends. Crocs mean spring is coming!)

Despite my annual shock at the completely not-sudden cold, weather as the topic of conversation irks me. It’s like waving an intellectual white flag- you may as well say “It’s cloudy. I’m uninteresting.” Because weather is literally the most obvious thing in the world. It affects how people dress, travel, eat, what they do and don’t do-except for the people who surf behind the Weather Channel reporter explaining that Hurricane Bitchslap is about to hit the beach behind him. Those guys, and I mean this will all due sarcasm, are the COOLEST. In all my conversational elitist glory, the only way I see weather being an acceptable topic of conversation is something similar or congruent to the following exchange:

Me: Hey, what’s up?
Not Me: ZOMG A HURRICANETSUNAMITORNADOVOLCANOQUAKE IS ABOUT TO HIT THE HOUSE RIGHT NEXT TO YOURS.
Me: Oh. How is a volcano hitting that hou-
Not Me: THEY’RE DROPPING ONE ON IT.

In conclusion: how do you pronounce “zomg”?